It was a cold crappy wet weekend, so therefore not a lot of traffic in the store today. Which was good as we had 31 cases of new shipments arrive. I ruminated as I unpacked and entered the shipments into inventory.

What few customers we had were the standard sopping wet Dungeon-dwellers (now THERE’S an appetizing smell – wet geek), the Yu-Gi-Oh kids (come in with their coins asking how many packs they can buy – I’m actually getting pretty durned good at doing the reverse tax calculation, then dividing the number of packs in my head) and the Anime/Manga maniacs.

Now our shop does quite a decent business in sales and rentals of Anime DVDs. It’s a nice little niche category that does attract a lot of walk-in customers. In addition to the Anime, we also sell Manga books, particularly focusing on straight translations of the original Japanese comics. Keep in mind that these are not your dad’s comic books (and at thirteen bucks a pop, they shouldn’t be).

When I started working at the store I was shocked to find out that we also had a fair stock of Japanese Hentai (X rated animated pornography, usually involving demonic possession or alien abductions – yes lots of tentacles penetrating various orifices). And once again, the Japanese never cease to amaze me with their sheer ability to pervert what North Americans typically consider a children’s entertainment forum (see Hello Kitty).

Of course it’s always fun to see who purchases the Hentai…and then offer to order them the 10^th anniversary version of "Mysterious Devices".

So the store is an official purveyor of all things Hello Kitty.  It is quite out of place to see this corner of pink fluffy goodness in the store that is dedicated to games and hobbies.

I mean, you walk into the store and see a gothic display of dragons, wizards, barbed wire, Celtic knot work and candles that drip simulated blood when you burn them.  To the right are the card games, strategy games and historical wargames – excuse me historical tactical and strategy simulations.  Up the stairs is D&D and Warhammer world.  The walls are covered with swords, daggers, battle axes and bows.

Turn to the left are the family games and that evil pink corner.

I mean, we have almost everything hello kitty – pens, pencils, purses, brushes, curling irons and hair dryers.  But a FUCKING COFFEE MAKER, waffle iron and sandwich maker?  I could imagine wanting to kill myself after a week of that every morning for breakfast, either that or I would want to love or smother someone.

Thankfully we don’t stock the vibrator.  It is apparently not Officially Licensed Product (OLP), so sorry pervs, you’ll have to go elsewhere for your cheap thrills.  This special little item *does* exist, some Japanese perv has turned Ms. Pink Pussy into a battery operated pleasure enhancer where the working end is said feline’s head, complete with bow and teddy bear cradled in her paws.

Hello Kitty indeed.

What’s next - a Sponge Bob spermicidal sponge with matching Patrick pessary?

For you pervs out there we do have one last copy of the “Book of Erotic Fantasy” left.  Apparently the powers that be have revoked the publisher’s rights to produce that book under the D20 license.  Of course it’s wrapped in plastic (I keep threatening to wrap it in a much more appropriate brown paper wrapping or latex sheet) so you’ll have to buy before you try.

Could you imagine the condition that book would be in if the dungeon dwellers could look at it?  There would be far more than cheezie dust sticking those pages together.

I think I’m going for a shower now.

One of the best aspects of the job (aside from the employee discount and freebies) is the exposure to cool games that are available...I will use this forum to advertise cool products every now and then:

• Blockus - a board game that's kind of the anti-Tetris, your job is to get rid of as many of your game pieces in order to spread across the board, while blocking your opponents from doing the same.  Very cool strategy game that can be played in a short period of time.  2-4 players.


• Werewolves of Miller's Hollow - a cool party game that is based on the old "werewolves vs. villagers" game.  From 8-20 players, find out who the werewolves are before the village is decimated.


• LRC - each player gets three chips and rolls three dice.  The dice tell you where the chips go:  to the player on your left, to the player on your right or the center pot.  The winner is the player who has all the chips.  From 3 to infinity players depending on how many chips you have!  A neat little time waster in a tube.


• Gloom - a darkly humourous gothic card game where you select a family and try to have as many calamities occur to the members of your family while heaping happy events on your opponents, before killing them off.  The object of the game is to have the lowest score possible.


• Pimp the Backhanding - a card game where women are exploited for money and stereotypes abound.  Have your pimps mack as many ho's as possible while backhanding rival pimps.  Use powers such as the pimp coat, chrome caddy and "She's Bringing a Cousin!" to up the values of your Ho's. Offensive and not to be purchased unless you have a sense of humour.  Finally White Wolf gets a sense of humour.

All cool games I'd play if asked and am willing to demo to those who ask me.

You remember those guys at school with thick glasses, wispy attempted mustaches and goatees, messy hair and have a constant cloud of aroma that most closely approximates the smell of mildewy basement mixed with underactive adolescent male hormones?

These guys are usually seen carrying a copy of The Hobbit, wearing a filthy trench coat and carrying an overstuffed backpack and drinking Jolt Cola or Dr. Pepper while eating off-brand nacho chips or cheezies.

These guys are the main customer base of the store I work at.

We call them "dungeon dwellers" as the smell comes from living in Mom and Dad's basement while avoiding the shower as much as possible and eating said nachos or cheesies.  This is compounded with the telltale adolescent smell of school hallways and stale gym clothes laden lockers and the aforementioned filthy trenchcoat.

The backpacks usually carry the necessities to play a rousing game of Dungeons and Dragons (heretofore known as D&D) or Magic the Gathering.  These backpacks weigh anywhere from 35 to 100lbs and carry books, caffene-laden beverages, pencils, dice, miniature figures and cards.  Really progressive dungeon dwellers may even have a discman or MP3 player for their collection of Rush or Ozzy tunes to accompany their marathon reading sessions.

Things to know about the dungeon dweller, they have absolutely no social skills at all when it comes to something other than gaming.  They don't seem to care about personal hygiene (hence the aromas and unkempt appearance) and social graces are optional.  Hell, we keep a supply of oust air cleaner in the store because the dungeon dweller tend to fart when they get excited, which happens often when a new shipment arrives.

"HEY LOOK! The new Abberations box set is in!"  "Cool!"  "Sic!" Phhhhhhhhhhhhbbbbbbbbbt!

More often than not we have to suffer this nasal onslaught until they have left the store and we can hose the place down with oust.

Despite the fact that this variety of customer would have an aneurysm if we only had one copy of the book they want in stock and the spine has been broken or the pages have been sullied with fingerprints (more than likely due to the cheezie dust encrusted paws of the prior dungeon dweller who mauled the book until they found out it was well out of their weekly allowance range), dungeon dwellers treat the books in stock the very same way a baby having a tantrum treats it's not-very-loved toys.  They pick up the books, open them wide to hear if the spines have been cracked, flip through them with cheeze encrusted fingers, hold them up by the pages to show to their friends (as they always travel in packs to ensure geek safety), then throw them back on the shelves as they cannot afford the product, because they spent their money on cheezies and pop after school and they may not have enough for bus money for the week.

Ten chances to one when the pack leaves, there will be partially empty cans of Dr. Pepper or root beer on the shelves, nacho crumbs everywhere and perhaps even an empty pack on the floor.  When the boss comes out of the back area, she sniffs the air and sees the detrius as I'm trying to wipe fingerprints of a $75.00 game book and says.

"Damn dungeon-dwellers," as she grabs the can of Oust and applies a liberal hosing to the environment, ozone layer be damned!

I was NEVER that bad when I was in grade 8 (oh please G*D let that be true)!  Well, I at least bathed daily and was pretty much a loner when I went shopping.

I guess the beginning is as good a place to start...

Here I am at 30 years old, transferred after 12 years of commuting 3 hours a day to school and work to an office that is within 10 minutes of my home.  About friggin time sez I.  This damn transfer had been 4 years in the making and after 8 months of political BS at work, I finally got the transfer.

To continue the changes in my life, I have recently dropped over 100 pounds in weight, and living with my significant other (heretofore to be known as SO) in our 100-year-old home, which is and forever will be under constant renovation.

One month into the transfer, I noted something.  Now that I had spare time, I did all my house work and started actually having a fucking life.  THIS CANNOT HAPPEN!  My having a life is a highly unacceptable situation and must be rectified.

So I go to the Hobby Shop that I have been frequenting and leaving a sizeable chunk of my paychecks at for the past few years.  I offer my services of employment on the weekends and after office hours.  The reasoning was sound:

• I practically lived there anyway


• I could earn enough spare change to fund my gaming and hobby interests


• There's GOTTA be an employee discount!

Two weeks later, I've signed my agreement, read the store policies and started working at the hobby shop on the weekends.  This blog is the story of my life at the shop, the people I work with and the denizens I meet at the shop.

The characters:

Me - almost 31, losing weight, gaining perspective.  Office drone, musician, clown, gamer (yes I play Warhammer and several other games and yes, I USED to play Dungeons and Dragons).

SO - the love of my life.  Ex-chef, philosopher, teacher and friend.

The Boss - the owner of the store.  She actually loves her job and cares about her employees and customers and not because they provide her with income.  Dry, sarcastic and caustic though, so watch out.

I'll get into the co-workers as I continue this thing...